


Pig+Elephant=Counseling

by goldenspecter



Series: hello naughty children its murder time [2]
Category: Danny Phantom, South Park
Genre: Depression, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Minor Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, glad im not them, my boys are gonna miserable
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-22 00:59:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15570237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenspecter/pseuds/goldenspecter
Summary: “Yeah, if some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, "hey, why don't you stop dressin' me up like a mailman, and-and making me dance for you while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know, on my dad's bed!""Mom misses us. She's awfully lonely up there, don't you think? I think you and I should go see her, she'll be happy to see us. We'll be together again and we won't ever leave."Eric and Dan are forced to go to counseling with the new on site therapist. No one notices how their new therapist made life more hellish than it already was for them.





	Pig+Elephant=Counseling

**Author's Note:**

> This fic, at most, will have three parts to it.   
> For context, watch South Park S1ep5 "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig"

So far in this stupid cloning war against Terrance Mephesto, Terrance managed to clone a human foot while Kyle still struggled to get his elephant to make sweet, sweet love to Eric’s pot-bellied pig, Fluffy.

Kyle, Kenny, Stan, and Eric hopped off the bus from another long day of school, slowly trudging through the Colorado snow.

Nursing the black eye that Shelly gave him, Stan blurted out, “Hey, uh you guys wanna come over to my house?” He hoped that his friends said yes, figuring that if he was around this friend, Shelly wouldn’t hit him. Shelly didn’t like witnesses, so his friends meant at least one night from her.

“We've got work to do Stan. I think it takes a while for an elephant to get drunk.” Kyle said, not seeing or realizing how he unknowingly shattered Stan’s hopes for the night.

“Really? You guys don't want to come over just for a little bit?” begged Stan, wringing his hands together. He needed them over at his house, he can’t have another black eye. He can’t handle Shelly on his own tonight. “You can get the elephant drunk at my house!”

“Why, your sister gonna kick your ass again?” Eric taunted.

“Shut up Cartman!”

Kenny mumbled something from the confines of his hood.

The eight year old isn’t sure what Kenny said but apparently Kyle agreed with him. “Yeah Stan, she's just a girl.”

“Yeah, Stan,” Eric mocked, sharply turning around to face Stan, “if some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, "hey, why don't you stop dressin' me up like a mailman, and-and making me dance for you while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know, on my dad's bed!" His face flushed a dark red as he ranted, his chest heaving heavily as he stuttered. Eric’s blue eyes dilated to the size of pinpricks, mouth drying out as he stared into the horrified faces of his friends.

After a moment of silence, Kyle choked out. “Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?”

Smacking his lips together to relieve his dry mouth from seconds earlier, Eric nervously joked, “I'm just saying you're just a little wuss. That's all.”

The walk to Stan’s house was quiet, save for feet crunching in the snow.

****

After dealing with Stan’s evil clone rampage the city, the four boys finally managed to get Cartman’s pig to give birth.

Except the litter didn’t turn out potbellied elephants like Kyle and Eric thought, but instead pig sized Garrisons.

“Hey, it kinda looks like Mr. Garrison.” Eric said slowly, darting his gaze from his deranged teacher to the newly born pigs in thought.

“Oh, gee.” Mr. Garrison cooed, leaning over his desk to get a good look at the pigs. “Isn't that an amazing coincidence? What are the odds of that? A+ for you boys.”

A student in the back muttered, “I’d never thought Mr. Garrison would have sex with an animal.”

Mr. Garrison overheard the student and reared his head to face them when the PA system interrupted him with, _“Mr. Garrison, please send Eric Cartman and Dan Celosia please come to the Principal’s office.”_

“Uh, sure,” Garrison replied slowly, gesturing to the two boys, “You know where you need to go.”

Dan and Eric gave each other confused looks before they slid out of their desks and headed over to the principal’s office. Once they arrived, the two boys pushed the door open and trotted their way to the two chairs in front of Principal Victoria’s desk.

“Hello boys,” Principal Victoria greeted, flashing the two children a gentle smile, “I apologize for pulling you from class but I needed to see you both for a very important matter.”

Eric squirmed in his seat uncomfortably before her blurted out, “We had nothing to do with Brian’s stuff being set on fire! He threw his stuff into a flaming bush and then we tried to help him!”

“Yea!” Dan added, nodded his head fervently in agreement. “It’s not our fault he got set on fire, it’s his own fault!” For added measure, Dan dramatically folded his arms and pointedly turned his head away.

When they heard Principal Victoria drop the pen and stared at the two boys with wide eyes, Eric and Dan realized that Brian being set on fire wasn’t the reason they were in the office. “That’s…not… why I… called you here,” she said slowly, cautiously reaching over to her phone and pressed some buttons all while maintaining her steady gaze on the two boys.

“So,” Eric ventured, coating his voice with faux innocence as he leaned in to close the distance between principal and student and girlishly batting his eyelashes at the older woman in curiosity.  “Why _did_ you call us here? I’m pretty sure it’s not to tell us we’re Student of the Year.”

A sudden click was heard from behind Dan and Eric causing the two boys to turn around only to see Mr. Mackey and a strange looking woman standing in the doorway. Silently, they watched in confusion when the two adults strode past them to stand next to Principal Victoria. Confusion morphed into unease as Mr. Mackey and the woman gave Dan and Eric gentle, _sympathetic_ smiles and they both stared at their trusted principal, their unease slowly matriculating into hostility.

“Why are _they_ here?” Dan snarled, pointing a finger at the other adults in the room.

Principal Victoria sighed as she rested her hands on the desk. “As you know, it’s my job to ensure the safety of every student. Regardless of any dangerous activities they engage in.” She pointedly glared at her two students before she continued. “Recently, I’ve been informed of some troubling things regarding you two. In Eric’s case, I am required by law to share what I’ve been told with our local police department. However, SPPD’s child psychologist has recommended that we have you both seen by a therapist. I’ve informed both of your parents of the matter at hand and they’ve both agreed that you should see a therapist to help you with your issues.”

The moment she stopped speaking, Principal Victoria silently observed the two boys, remaining stoic when Dan and Eric’s faces flushed in anger. As they raged her, throwing obscene threats and vulgarities at her, she remained stoic, not bothering to flinch when one of them slammed their hands on her desk. Victoria was aware the instant she told them, she expected nothing less than anger and outrage from the two.

She was slow to stand, wanting to ensure that she caught Dan and Eric’s attention. And it worked, as they snapped out of their raw anger, owlishly blinking at their principal to see what she would do next.

“Starting tomorrow, you will see Dr. Penelope three times a week during your lunch and recess. No one other than me, Mr. Mackey, and Mr. Garrison will know of this arrangement. Are there any questions?”

“We don’t need no therapists,” Dan protested, leveling a distrusting glare at Dr. Penelope. “Eric and I are fine on our own! She can go back to wherever she came from!”

Eric nodded in agreement, “Yea! We don’t need that bitch or her horny hair! We’ve been doing fine before she came here!”

Principal Victoria gritted her teeth in irritation at how the boys blatantly disrespected Dr. Penelope and right in her face no less! She couldn’t care less when the disrespect was aimed at her but she refused to allow any student to slander, mistreat or disrespect her staff in any shape, form or manner. “That is _enough_!” She barked sternly, “I will not sit here and allow either one of you to talk down and disrespect Dr. Penelope. You are going to apologize to Dr. P for your disrespect and for hurting her feelings or else I will assign you assign you detention for this week and next week!”

Eric and Dan narrowed their eyes, shifting their gaze from Principal Victoria’s angry baby eyes to Dr. Penelope’s playful, toxic green eyes. The two then shared a look before heavily sighing, “Dr. Penelope, I’m sorry for disrespecting you and hurting your feelings.” They muttered in unison while pointedly looking away from the therapist, insincerity coating their voices.

Dr. Penelope gracefully glided away from Mr. Mackey and sat on the principal’s desk; leaning in front of the two boys, smirking when their gaze landed on her partially unbuttoned shirt, which showed off her cleavage. Her fingers crawled under their chins, tilting their heads up so she could look them both in the eye.

“My eyes are up _here_ boys,” She teased playfully, green eyes twinkling gleefully. “I understand that neither of you are excited to see me.”

“No shit Sherlock.” Eric quipped. “What made you realize that?”

Penelope’s grin grew wider, “That’s fine. How about we make a deal? You see me for a month and by next month, if Principal Victoria and Mr. Mackey think that you no longer need me, then you no longer have to see me.”

The therapist carefully watched as Eric’s eyes lit up and Dan’s shoulders tensed, wary at the prospect of her deal.

“That’s it?” Dan questioned. “What’s the catch?”

Dr. Penelope shook her head, “No catch.”

Dan looked at Eric, who eagerly nodded his head. “Alright then, Dr. Penelope, we accept your deal.” Dan replied, “Just you wait, we won’t need you after next month.”

Dr. Penelope stood up and smiled at Eric and Dan, “We’ll see.”

_‘You will never be rid of me.’_

  



End file.
